Van Helsing Fiction
by Unwanted film fan
Summary: Van Helsing meets Underworld and Buffy the Vampire Slayer


Van Helsing/ Fiction

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. I also do not own the Netherlands.

It was a dark and stormy night in the Netherlands. A young girl named Célene was on patrol, silver stake ready in her hand. Unknown to her, an evil, mysterious presence was watching her every move. Many nights he had watched her, giving him all the more reason to take her as his bride.

"Forgive me father for I have sinned" Said Van Helsing.

"You bloody well have! We've been looking for the holy relic of Mary for 1,000 years, and you smashed it over the head of a werewolf!"

"Well, it must be holy, 'cause it stopped the werewolf."

"Never mind that. We have a job for you."

His job was to travel to the Netherlands and kill a girl named Célene, the last of her family and the only being on earth able to bear live young for a vampire.

"You will need all the help we can give you, so we are sending Carl to help you."

"What? But I don't want to go to the Netherlands!" Carl exclaimed.

He watched her silently from the ceiling of the crypt. As he made no noise, she was not alerted to his presence. He watched as she back flipped over a vampire and span, kicking its face and sending it flying. It slammed into the far wall and she was on it before it could recover, sending the stake into its heart. It exploded into a million pieces. She exited the crypt with a smug smile on her face.

Van Helsing and Carl arrived outside castle Viktor. It was a grand stone building with endless turrets and windows which made it seem like it was held together by magic. It had a cold, empty air around it that made it seem like it had fallen into disuse. The gates were partly open, wide enough to allow them to enter. The courtyard inside was completely overgrown with plants and looked like it had been abandoned for some time.

"Are you sure we've come to the right place?" said Carl.

"That's what it said on the beer mat" replied Van Helsing.

They climbed to the top of the tallest tower were a fair maiden was sleeping, clothed in floating silk material. Her long black hair was spread out across the pillow and her red lips seemed to add the only colour to the room. Both men gasped.

"She looks like……." Carl started.

"Anna Valerious" Van Helsing finished.

The girl woke with a start, brandishing a stake which had been concealed beneath the pillow.

"Who are you?" she demanded.

"We are um……we…um….." Carl stammered.

"We're here to kill you" stated Van Helsing.

She looked questioningly and asked: "Any particular reason?"

Just then, Dracula swooped, down grabbed Célene and carried her out the window in one fell swoop.

When Célene awoke again, she found herself lying on an enormous four poster bed with black silk sheets. On the table next to her was a single blood red rose and a note:

_My Dearest Célene_

_It pains me to leave you, but I will return at dusk to explain everything. Do not fear for yourself, you have no more respectful a friend than me. I would ask you not to leave your room; it is more dangerous than you think._

_Vladislaus Draculea_

She tried to remember what had happened the night before but her mind was as blank as unmarked parchment. When she tried to stand, her head span and she fainted, falling back on to the bed. This was how Dracula found her at dusk when he materialised in her room.

He gazed upon her face, finding it to be more enchanting than anything he had ever laid eyes on before. He knew in his twisted black heart that only she would satisfy his need for … something he had never possessed. Something he hoped he could soon create… if she was willing.

He couldn't believe what he had seen. That which he had slain four years before at the cost of his beloved Anna had returned. His mind was filled with questions that he could not answer. Carl was still unconscious from the shock. He went over to wake him.

"No mummy ….. I want the red one!" Carl screamed as Van Helsing tried to wake him.

"Carl, get up!" Van Helsing shouted in his ear.

"No more goat soup!" Carl said, waking with a start.

"Come on Carl, we're leaving"

Carl stood up, looking extremely embarrassed. Van Helsing turned and walked out of the room.

Dracula sat down on the bed next to Célene's sleeping form. He had positioned her so that she lay more comfortably. He bent over to kiss her at the very moment that she began to stir. She screamed and pushed him away. Her strength was more than he could have expected, and he flew across the room, colliding with the mirror on the wall opposite. She got up immediately and ran out of the open door. The place was unfamiliar, yet she had the feeling she had been there before. As she ran down the main staircase, the portrait over the main doors made her stop in her tracks. It was her father.

"So now you see why we are destined to be together. Before he was slain your father offered me your hand, my betrothed." Dracula said silkily.

She turned to face him and he jumped, gliding down the stairs with his cloak rustling softly behind him. She ran to him and they embraced: she had fallen deep under his spell.

Carl and Van Helsing approached Dracula's hideout; a large castle on the edge of a glacier.

"Doesn't this give you a distinct feeling of déjà vu?" Carl asked.

"It's Dracula. He likes places where nothing can survive... and pretty girls, apparently." Van Helsing replied.

"Who doesn't?" Carl replied, as if in a dream.

Van Helsing looked at him, then continued towards the castle.

"How do we get in?" Van Helsing asked.

"We take the convenient side entrance that leads into the heart of the castle, which it just happens, is where Dracula has taken Célene."

"How do you know?"

"It's a fan fiction; anything could happen in the next half hour."

"Why?"

"Because the author's about to have lunch and she needs to get this finished quickly."

Van Helsing shook his head in disbelief.

"Be grateful, at least you don't have to kill Dracula with a giant inflatable hammer." Carl said.

"Enough of this, we need to kill Dracula, kill him, save the damsel in distress, then kill her." Van Helsing replied.

"Isn't that against the point of saving the damsel in distress?"

"Whose side are you on?"

"Whoever isn't trying to kill me." He paused. "But she is very pretty…"

Van Helsing whacked him around the side of the head.

They entered the castle unseen as they used the handy side entrance.

Dracula poured wine into two glasses and handed one to Célene, who took it gracefully. They were about to take their first sip as Van Helsing burst into the room.

"Unhand her, foul demon" He roared.

"There's no need for dramatics! The moment you get her, you're going to kill her." Carl exclaimed.

Everyone in the room looked at him blankly.

"What? I'm only pointing out the obvious." He said.

"He has a point." Dracula said.

"DID WE ASK YOU TO COMMENT?" Van Helsing yelled.

Van Helsing thrust a stake in Dracula's general direction, only to find that Célene had gotten in the way. Blood poured through the wound in her chest and she fell to the ground, dead.

"What have you DONE?" Dracula cried as he crumbled to dust.

The sound of an uncomfortable silence filled the air.

"What happened?" Van Helsing asked.

"Dracula was only resurrected to kidnap Célene and have her bear his children. Without her, he had no reason to exist, so he was erased from this world." Carl said.

"Will he come back?" Van Helsing asked.

"Only if they want a sequel." Carl replied.

Co-Written by voldivoice


End file.
